I'm thinking about leaving college. There I said it. I don't want to be there. There, I admitted something else. I'm so confused right now and so insecure, how is college the right place for me? I don't want to be one of those people that say you don't know me, but honestly, I feel like some people who claim to know me don't. Yes I'm scared, I am terrified. I have no clue what is going to come of me. All I know is that inside I do not feel okay. I really don't. But I can't tell that to anyone because they all think I'm just some lazy dumb teenager. And sometimes I think their right. Everyone wants me to go. Everyone is so proud. But no one sees me, no one looks me in the eyes. They only touch the surface and once they hear the truth, they back off and pretend they did not just hear that. That I'm okay now. It is all alright. But what about me? What about what I feel like I need? I need to go, David called me. Later.

Here I am, after a summer filled with...
lots of online reading
and some observations.
And so...
I don't know,
I'm not sure if I've ever written something
quite like this before.
I mean who am I to begin writing something like this?
But then again,
who I am NOT to write something like this?
Oh,
well,
whoever reads this can take it anyway they wish to,

To begin,

I believe girls need to love themselves
before entering a relationship
I don't mean to be so narcissistic,
but just be able to look in the mirror and
love what God gave you.

You also need to be strong inside.

You need to realize what you have.

It could be your family, intelligence, friends, independence, God.

You know,
it's cool to be shy,
heck I'm so shy around guys,
but confidence is key.

You have to remember
who you are,
oh and that's something else,
KNOW YOURSELF.

Please don't enter a relationship if you
aren't completely sure of who you are.

Okay,okay,
I know some girls are lucky enough
to be lost and then there's a guy
that finds them,
yay for them!

But seriously?

There's a rare chance of that happening.
Get your nose out the books,
and take your eyes off the screen,
open your eyes wide,
this isn't a novel
nor is it a movie.
Sorry but it's true.

I know it's nice to dream,
I love doing it,
but somtimes you just have to
face reality.

Okay?

So, know yourself.
And be strong about who you are.
Don't let a guy change you
for the worse.
And you know when it's
the worse,

When you hide things from your friends,
you're afraid of what people will
think if you tell them.
If you speak up he'll leave you.

yeah those are all signs that,
IT AIN'T WORKING.

and that it's time to say buh-bye!
k?

I know it's hard,
God believe me I know,

but once it's over,
you'll feel this big relief.
and pain,

It's okay to be in mourning-
for a while.

But do not allow the feeling to
consume you,
and your tears form an ocean
that you allow yourself to drown in.

okay,that was a tad bit dramatic,
sorry but
seriously,
don't allow yourself to do that.

This is why you should remember what you have,
friends,family,intelligence,independence,God.

Friends help so much.
The good friends,
not the crappy ones that use you.
Or forget you.

When you're in a relationship,
it's awesome to spend time
with your guy...
but make time for your friends too.
You never know when you'll need them.

I've seen an idiot,
excuse me,
an old friend,
give her boyfriend all her time and devotion
and left her suppose best friend in the dirt.

If you have friends like that,
then you have more issues.
Drop them fast.

And this is where prayer comes in,
pray to God that He allows you
to come to good people,
who make awesome friends.

Who know you're worth,
never forget it,
and won't let you forget it either.

When it's over,
they'll be so helpful.

Although,
to be honest,
for a while,
their words probably won't help,
but eventually they will.

Anyways,
moving on,

you know,
I find some girls
just wanting a guy.
No girls,
you don't NEED a man.
You need Jesus.
You need God.
But you don't NEED a man.

Although,
it's pretty damn nice to have one...

And get married
have kids...

Anyways,
you want a good guy?

when a guy starts to treat you like crap,
LEAVE HIM.

There's a good guy waiting for you.

One whose complaining about how
girls only like dating guys that treat them like crap.

And I'm sorry,
but for most girls
it's true.

We're idiots for it.

Those guys don't like us or love us,
even if they did,
they would never dream of treating us like that.
Okay?

Agreed?

If you don't
then you need to
raise that self-esteem
and get confidence.
Go back up and read.
Please.

Anyways,
LEAVE HIM!

You'll be better off.

Listen,
I know you're strong for holding on,
but you'll be stronger for letting go,
okay?

Anyways,
if you want to feel better,
or land a guy.

BE YOU.

Why be so fake?

Eventually he will find out
who you really are,
how you really act...

But remember,
you know how you like specific guys,
and you like that cute,fine guy...

Well you have to give him something to look at too!

I'm sorry but it's true.

I mean God bless the guy who first sees you
at your worst
and falls for you.
Even better for him when he sees you at your best!

But, come on,
look,
I'm not saying to put on a thousand pounds of make-up
and wear a push-up bra and have your skirt super mini
and your cleavage all pouring out your boobs are about to burst,

I mean,
make-up,
you can put some on,
but make it look natural.

And your hair,
well,
honestly,
some guys do like when it looks
kinda messy.
key word-KINDA.

Some guys like the smell of vanilla,
it kind of reminds them of their mom baking...
but if they aren't too fond of mothers.. (their own)
you could stick to Victoria's Secret.
As long as you smell good
and please,
don't pour the whole bottle over you.
just a few sprays will do.

And the way you dress,

I know I said be true to you,
but if you want a guy,
you should at least find a way
to be true to yourself while dressing good.

Heels, sometimes flats, s nice dress,
capris, bermudas...

Find your own style and be comfortable in it.

Please,
don't buy something because someone else said
you look real good in it
but you're so uncomfortable in it.

You're wasting money
and closet space.

And both are pretty darn valuable if you ask me.

Just basically,
look good
and feel good about yourself.

It's not enough to say
I know...but..

But what?

You know what you want,
and to quote
Nicole Richie
(not a great girl but hey,
it's a good quote!)

"You just have to go after what you want,
and if it doesn't want you back then so be it,
it doesn't deserve you anyways."

So do what you feel will help you,
just dont lose yourself in the process.

and I'll be back later...
=)